I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
