Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
