Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
MIDGETS
????
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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