Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
