I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
