I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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