tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
