I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
