She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize