I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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