Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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