You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize