I wish I only lived at night.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Randomize
