WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
