the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you win again, gameday.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
