...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
