My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
