Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
