Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
