Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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