i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
