Duck Duck Cougar?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
