My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
