I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
