I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
