Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
