Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
