____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Randomize
