he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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