That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
