Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
