i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
