how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
