I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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