i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
