Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
