I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Come see our sink grown plant.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
