So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
How drunk are you?
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