I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
