i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
