I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
