She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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