It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He? As in you personified your dick?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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