You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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