no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
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