yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
God, I missed his penis.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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