gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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