what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
