i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
