p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
