where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
