I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
