Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
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