the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
