Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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