if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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