they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
