i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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