i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize