There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize