Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
