It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
These tits shall not be calmed
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
