Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
