I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
