Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
