i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize