Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
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