The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Randomize
