I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
