Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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