I think I won the penis lottery.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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