Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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