and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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