so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
