She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
