she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
