You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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