We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
