She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
