He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Randomize
